add lists are going to europe and the united states. >> we are out of time. you are right. thank you so much for being with us. all of you. appreciate it. that's all the time we have left this evening. thank you for being with us. see you back here soon on "hannity." ♪ >> it's wedding season. this year 3 million americans will promise to stay together or not. >> married only four months and our divorce lasted over 6 and a half years. >> this is how i put gaps in my rolls-royce. >> they keep getting married. and they spend lots. >> it is so pretty and pink. >> even before the wedding we are told to spend money on diamond engagement ring. >> who is allowed to get there? >> marriage is a union between a man and a women. >> that's changing.
>> i fell in love and i fell in love again. finally what's the point of marriage? why is marriage good? >> i promise to be good to you in good time -- true do you in good times and in bad. >> dearly beloved, most weddings begin with that phrase as an old greek phrase used to welcome people to big events. few events are as big as a wedding. next month june is thought of as the wedding month. why june? maybe because of that women. roman goddess of marriage. the month of june was named after her. another explanation is in the 1500s many people took their yearly bath in may so people smelled better in june.
this is plausible to me. newlyweds were trying to prilan child birth. sheiked te she could stel help grow and harvest the food. i am shocked by how much money people spend these days. what is wrong with people. author of miss manners guide who had a surprisingly dignified wedding. >> i don't see dignity in spending all of these gross sums. >> we want to emulate the big celebrities they can afford it and we can't. >> you are the daughter of the original miss manners judith martin you have written the sequel to her book. people think of weddings in reverse. >> they want this huge wedding with this kind of food and this
kind of campaign they are think being that and how many can we afford to invite for that. my friends and family i think would enjoy being at my wedding what can we afford to give them. sometimes it might be punch and cookies. i would think if your loved ones really love you and want to be with you for this occasion that that would be okay. people feel it has to be this spectacle and it has gotten way out of control. >> did you have big wedding? >> we had a little upgrade from punch and cookies. we had a tea. it was modest. we thought it was charming. we liked it. >> you say people would want this. i would argue people don't want this, women want it. guys have very little interest. >> although they are getting sucked up into it, too. >> they are sucked up by the female fantasy at birth. >> the wedding industry is
conditioning us to do this. they are trying to sell us these products. they have an economic interest in thinking you need all of this stuff. they are didding people to contribute to the wedding itself. multiple regulistries to pay fo it. >> they are asking guests to payer to the wedding? >> there are things called my fund.com. there is another. >> fun any fund where you help pay for the honeymoon. >> i have heard people asking people to contribute to their mortgages in the way of giefts. they are getting their lives financed just for the privilege of going to the wedding. >> some people imitate what they see. they pay attention to celebrities. we have grievous excess in celebrity marriages. carredian marrying chris humphries.
10 weeks later cakardashian fil for divorce. justin timberlake jessica beil 6 and a half million dollars. chelsea clinton and her husband almost $5 million. aren't they embarrassed? >> they have got the money to spend. we are not here to judge. if you have got the money and you were not asking other people to spend it on you then go ahead. >> you wrote your guide to a dignified wedding. >> we are tealing people you don't have to go into get to afford this. >> now there are several celebrity shows about weddings. some pick bridezillas who get into fights for things. >> others show women spending a fortune on flowers and so forth. >> it is so pretty and pink.
>> sheer she comes. you may now kiss the bride. now this isn't mainstream. tell me it isn't? >> no. it doesn't have to be that way. it certainly doesn't have to be that way. >> most american men give their future bride a diamond ring? why a diamond? why not a cow or tv set or car or something useful. how did diamonds get to be the symbol of love and marriage. because an when american solar were returning from world war ii they saw ads with soldiers proposing giving ring, how else could two months' salary last forever? a diamond lasts forever, de beers. john: two months' salary. the ad just made that
two months salary.hat also there's nothing intrinsically romantic about the diamond. it is a piece of carbon. it looks like a diamond because it was pressured by intense heat. other rocks are pretty. emerald, sapphire. you can buy much cheaper subs suits bike cubic zirconia. almost no one can see the difference. i borrowed a die p monday worth 65,000 dollars wiand a piece of cubic zirconia for 200. i took them to jewelry scores where couples were buying diamond rings. even some jewelers looking through one of these loops couldn't tell the difference. so why do you women want diamonds? >> why do we want diamonds? why do you want nice cars why doup want anything. >> you can drive a car. it is jewelry. diamond is just a friend.
it doesn't have to be a diamond. we are not telling you it has to be a diamond or even has to be real. but it is tradition. that's what people want to do. >> i did a story and then i gave my wife earrings. she assumed they were diamonds. they were zirconia. she loved them. two years later, she asked, are these real? i told her the truth. she was ticked off. >> you lied to your wife. >> i didn't lie. i omitted. she can't tell the difference why should she be mad at me? >> the assumption of truth is more important of whether or not they were real or not. >> let's get to the more serious stuff. i make fun of the cost of excessive weddings but i would never mock the importance of marriage. it may help hold civilization together. our government certainly thinks so. it gives money to groups that flan they can preserve and keep families together.
millions of your tax dollars go though this group. >> this is our expectations holiday party. our 8th annual. we will have 1600 people here tonight. >> this group is called family expectation. they have events. >> we learn to have small servi conversations about big moments in their lives. >> for marriage. >> learn enough that will have healthy intels health yie hair. families are less likely to stay together than couples who don't. it is government in never stops throwing money away. what at that kayes if thereof a way to keep our marriages better
longer lasting and good for the kids. lots of data showing it is important for kids to be in a two home household. kudz who are not will likely have emotional problems. they say government. should do more to keep families together. steve horowitz sctudies and say that's not a good idea. why not if they can find a program at that works. >> that's it, john. the programs we have seen in the past haven't worked at doing this. i agree i think all things equal have the kids ready by two stable parents. >> why would you think they could help? >> i don't think they have the answers but government isn't doing a great job. others might do a grebetter job. >> you know anybody? >> government launched an
advertising campaign to get everybody to hate smoking. look at the change and attitude toward smoking and behavior. >> will the campaign stay marri married? >> you can do lots of things. do it in a positive way the value of having children before you get married and through the rough spot. >> you argued it would help if they continued defining marriages between a man and a woem. if we aboll hish and for the private full fimment of adults. >> this is not abolishing marriage changes the definition. >> it means you abolished it in a unique purpose and structure that hasn't been just arbitrarily defined by a group of people. what makes marriage different from any other kind of
friendship it is just about the emotional satisfaction of people who want to live together. >> you declare yourself married making a commitment to a women or a man. >> what about two widowed sisters who live together they declare themselves to be domestic partners the rest of their lives take care of each ear. marriage isn't a static institution. this evolved over thousands of pee years in human history. marriage meant married women can't have frproperty of their even. >> relatively recently? >> within the last 125 years. >> we have introduced interracial marriages. the fact that marriage is now about love and companionship and emotional atchme attachment it when it was no longer to have
lots of kids to be a protection unit. 150, 200 years ago. i don't think we are going back. once marriage has become that the fact that same sex comfortable. >> none of those changes changed the essence of marriage. through out history the defining constant thing has been a sexually content relationship. the fikind that can produce children. >> a lot of heterosexual couples don't she real marriage. >>ing it /* it is the kind of good relationship. y we don't test to see if they are able to produce children. what they have understood has changed and evolved. >> melissa it appears you are losing this war in oklahoma recently a judge ruled they must allow same-sex marriage.
republican politicians are now talking about get government out of marriage. what is wrong with that sthat? why must the state sanction. >> our maririage culture is in the icu. do we take that ailing patient, that ailing marriage culture and just kill it or do we do our best to try to bring it back to a healthy state for the sake prime perilly of the children and the future of the site. i want to take positive steps to bring marriage back to had healthier state. don't we just want to know that it is about children being raised by their hone father and father. >> you have two parents who made a decision to raise a child of their own that they tear about. those bo the people that will be
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. john: the data is pretty clear, kids raised by >> kids raised by two parents married to each other do better in life than kids whose parents are not married. it is not good news those in single parent households is up. it's for all races whites studied the longest look at kids most every parent got married only two percent of kids were born to unwed mothers. tooz it's 29 percent. 63 percent for hispanics 72 percent for blacks. telli helping us understand what it mea mea means she studies family and marriage. >> people say people are going
to have new arrangements. you have to tell the kids before you decide it has really changed. what we are finding from all of the research and this has been studied now for decades with huge data sets on average you can see better growing up with two married parents. two stable married parents. >> why should it make that much difference if they live together but haven't gotten the certificate. who cares? >> it seems that way. cohabitating relationships end early. they are three times as likely to see the parents break up before their 5 years old. oo is a just by getting married you are less likely to he can bra up. >> when you get married you are making a decision this is what i am going to try to do. doesn't always work out. but cohabitating tends to be an
arrangement that people slide into where they haven't decided together to make the commitment. >> nearly half of young people ages 18 to 39 have a step sibling. so what they get parented by he more people. more love better. >> more than a third of the marriages break up. usually the father tends to disappear or tends to fade out. there is a new man in the house and this often creates tensions between the mother, the father and new man. he maybe finds a new love and has a child with that terne. it is hard to maintain and it complicates people's lives. >> with boys children are more likely to have trouble in school, more likely to have
behavioral problems, they are in such an environment they act out. they get into fights. they are more likely to drop out of school and more likely to not go to college. >> i read this, too, what seems contradictory with more of this going on you think kids would be in more trouble. graduation rates are up. teen pregnancy fell by 43 percent from 1991. teen violence arrests are way down. >> when you are looking at the big numbers you are not breaking it down by education. the breakdown marriage is almost entirely effecting lower income less educated people. college educated women marry before they have their children and are more likely to divorce. teen pregnancy rates are way
down. but what's happened instead is that 20 somethings, young 20 somethings unwed having children. >> better than 16-year-old. >> it is once it comes to outcomes. they are not worlds better. >> celebrities get all of this press conference by saying i haven't found a good man so i will find a kid on my own. charlize theron, sheryl crow, angelina jolie adopted her first child as a single mother. madonna and sara louise parker. they sent a message this is a goose -- good option. >> depends what year i am in
here. watching the breakdown of marriage over the last 30, 40 years watching these kids go through life and we see it over and ore and ore again -- over and over again. the mother's income education and all of that household with both work. >> controversy over living together before you are married. plus pleural marriage, one man, three women. cars are driven by people. they're why we innovate. they're who we protect. they're why we make life less complicated. it's about people.
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naomi watts and leeann schriver courtn courtney kardashian. he wants to get married. >> beautiful team. >> i don't know. >> we don't want a wedding at all. >> why mess it up. >> the reason people get married because they love each other and they want to have their child and real family with married parents. >> married parents. what a concept. university of michigan sociology professor pamela smok studied trends in family formation. co habitation is just the norm now? >> yes, everybody is cohabitating before marriage after marriage. >> everybody? >> no, not everybody. there is a select few that don't those with strong religious convictions but most can't expect to co habit in life.
>> we are putting up the data chart of how it has increased. it is astonishing how quickly it changed in a big way. >> yes. we had 400,000 couples in 1960 cohabitating in 2013 what you don't have about 8 million couples. >> now the -- >> i talked to a number of young people who say they would never get married unless they live with the person first it would be stupid to do so. >> it makes sense to me. the celebrities with he showed some never got married most live together a year and then get married. >> overall about 50 percent of cohabitating couples end up getting married. about 40 percent break up and 10 percent remain cohabitating for a longer time.
>> die pendz what socioeconomic group you are from? >> it is more like the role of co habitation in our lives depends on what social class one is from. the more privileged people are meeting, dating, then cohabitating then marrying with a wedding. then having children. we think of out of wedlock birth it is very high about 41 percent of birth are out of wedlock. 60 percent of those are taking place to cohabitating couples and not single women. >> not what we think of as out of wedlock. >> correct. >> previous guest says even if it is by the biological parent it if they don't get married it's a significant difference kids don't do as well. is that try? you buy that? >> i heard the commentators before. in the main i buy that but it's
the hoe habiting couple is a stable relationship and remains stable it will be well off. >> less likely to be stable? >> that's correct. >> weirdly with all of this co habitation going on it is banned in florida, michigan, mississippi? >> although that is only on the books nobody pays attention to it. >> nobody enforces that. >> thank you, pamela. coming up you have heard a lot of debate about gay marriage. when we come back the debate over families like this one. >> i am molina i am joe's wife. >> i am vicky i am joe's wife. >> i am valerie. i am joe's wife. >> hi, i am joe. >> joe and his wives make the case for what they call big love. next. avo: waves don't care what age you are.
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>> i fell in love. i fell love again and i fell love again. >> she is the sister from the same mother and he's a brother from another mother. >> some people think how do you feel when he is off with another women and you know they are having sex. well gosh darn it, they better. >> he better have sex with another women? that is a clip from a reality show about a pal lig mystery layings ship in utah. >> they are pol lygamistpolygam. >> something not natural. >> polygamists right on our street. isn't that terrible? >> you think i shall have more than one wife? >> not for every man. >> i don't suppose it is. the creators of big love created their tv series after they saw the cover of this magazine, mormon focus features hal lena,
vicky and valerie darger. all now join us as their husband joe as the women in the tv series said, this is natural, joe. you are not supposed to do this. >> it is not normal in our society. i don't know about natural. polygamy is the oldest form most traditional form of marriage. >> it is old and common in many parts of the world, but alena why would you want to share your husband with two other people? >> well, it is part of the faith that i grew up with and i grew up with two mothers and i loved growing up in that family. >> you are independent fundamentalist mormons. >> it is part of the way i believe, but also what i get out of it is just the time, the joy, it's all about the family. it's not just about me and joe. >> joe married you and vicky at the same time. ten years later you joined the family. >> yes. >> this is just normal where you
come from? >> polygamy is normal where we come from. in joe's family it is generations back for him. my grandfather is a man i deeply respected he had five wives. it is natural to me growing up this way. >> there is nothing natural about this. i can hear people saying this. how do you share sexually. you don't sleep together you have times with each wife? >> yeah. and we have rotating basis of one night i am with one another night with another. >> you now live in this community with your 25 children. >> yes. each of us -- each of them -- aileen gnaw has 7, 9 and 9, and we all live in one home together. for us it's how we choose. i am in love with all three of them and i am in love with our family. it is just very normal and natural for me. >> and i must say i was weirded
out when i first explored this idea years ago when i was on 20/20. when i was done interviewing a bunch of families, my conclusion was that the sister wives often like each other more than they like the guy. >> it happens for sure. somebody asked me how do you deal with the gender inequality we try to give joe a break he can get picked on. >> if there is something he has done to another wife or there's some difference there it's not like i am going to go oh good they are having a fight now. they joke a lot about companion
ship. >> they share help for the children in community which used to be illegal. you have grandparents who were prosecuted, jailed. >> i didn't grow up with the idea that police officers were friendly. that fear we grew up with i knew was not healthy we had to change that. >> a federal judge recently did change it. he ruled co habitation law was illegal. still bigamy or trigomy is still legal. as long as you say i am only married to one who are you married to officially? >> i bi can have has many as i
want. >> it let's you get away with what women are doing. oo animals fight for the right to i am pregnant the hurt. >> i take responsibility for raising children and loving multiple women. i don't think there is any harm in that. >> are you sex slaves or you get to say no? >> it is like i have a relationship with just him. she has a relationship with just him. the dynamics is between him and i. >> no to answer the question we are not sex slaves. >> i notice in the animal kingdom it happens as well. sometimes the female said guess out of here. >> the big criticism of
communities like yours often comes from poop who say they escape and this woman is an example of that. she was in a community and she said she had to sneak away. >> it is about harams and abuse of children and women. >> abuse of children and women. >> certainly not our experience. how common do you think it is? >> i was a former pleural wife. >> you were another. you left because you just said i believe him. >> i didn't have to escape. i went to him one day i said i am leaving this isn't working wi for me. >> you joined this group. >> after a time i joined this group. if i escaped i wouldn't be coming back into it. >> united fox's most popular anchor on polygamy. >> you have a dad 7 moms and 35
children. then you are going to have chaos in the home. >> i agree with you. >> the state is going to have to be responsible for some of that chaos. >> you are creating chaos. >> i find it ironic someone like bill o'reilly who is all family values and we are the oldest one with traditional family values. you don't get more tradition l falal family values than us. >> there were slaves and forced marriages. how young were you married? >> 19 almost 20. >> are there people in your community that are 12, 13? >> there was child abuse. >> you have written a book about this and you wrote this to tell people who don't have a clue. here is what love can be like.
>> they love me we love each other. that's what it was all about. >> thank you joe alena vicky, valeri. coming up, a genuine scam. the way american lawyers make divorce even more painful. >> valuables are all going to be cold with lawyers like me. want to give your family more vitamins, omega 3s, and less saturated fat? it's eb. eggland's best eggs. better taste. better nutrition. better eggs. it's eb. sfx: car unlock beep. vo: david's heart attack didn't come with a warning. today his doctor has him on a bayer aspirin regimen to help reduce the risk of another one. if you've had a heart attack be sure to talk to your doctor before you begin an aspirin regimen.
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>> what happens when dearly beloved is not so dear or beloved. you have heard 50 percent of american marriages end in divorce. that number is lower not uncertain what it is. researchers say close to 40 percent. whatever the number it is pretty high. some couples who think divorce will solve their problems quickly discover that getting divorce creates another problem. >> i was married only four months and divorce lasted over 6 and a half years. >> that was a clip from a company called divorce court. a lot of divorce is about business. >> it is a business. i am not ashamed to say that. this is how i feed my family how i keep a roof over my head.
>> he is a private eye who calls himself the king of divorce. >> your home, your valuables they are all being to be sold to pay the lawyers and people like me. >> it sounds so wrong. is it really true? let's ask the documentary's director. joe sword. >> unfortunately it's true. >> you are cherry picking the worst cases like we tend to do in the media business. >> we have highlighted some of the worst cases. if you take a look at facebook there are thousands of people writing in who experience the same thing. >> attorneys get paid by the hour. we have adversarial system not entirely unique to america but we are the ones who really prak tills it and the lawyers say this is the way you get to the truth. you have a professional arguing one side the other side and it brings justice. >> but it is not the way we should resolve family matters. there are children involved people who used to love each other maybe they still love each other they are having problems.
you don't go to the place where you hurl all of the accusations to the other side and they hurl them back. that is a crazy way to resolve a family issue. >> are you saying if the couple doesn't want to cuhurl accusatis they encourage it? >> if one side hurls an accusation you don't hurl back you could lose. we studied canned nascandinavia they don't go to court to resolve customer matters. >> it adjudicates what is true and what's fair. >> there's no truth in getting a divorce. it's about going your separate ways you don't need to have an adversarial fight in order to go your separate ways and in canned nave yaw they don't have that fight. they get along better because of it. >> what do they do? >> they divide the marital assets. they use an accountant or mediator or countly respected
person but they don't go to court. >> america goes to divorce court. even if you are right you pay because every minute you spend fighting you have to go to court. >> even if you win you have to pay. >> it is filled with what seems like clear injustice. >> my present wife of 26 years sends my ex-wife who divorced me years ago sending her a check every day. >> the judge told me i had to work two jobs in order to keep them out of jail. >> they make the decision after spending little time on their case. >> the average case is maybe 5-10 minutes. >> all judges have the same middle name. god. >> you are saying they are saying god in five minutes? >> because you have to go through a courthouse they have to hear every case. they only have 10 minutes to
decide an issue. that is knottnot enough time. >> the judges and the lawyers i want to believe they want to do what is good for people. >> they want to do what is good for people. they often say criminal court is bad people on their best behavior and family court is good people on the worst behavior. it motivates everybody to behave badly. because of the pressure they are under because of the ways the laws are written everybody is moto motivated to do something that is not healthy. >> one will take advantage of the other. >> i don't see that happening in sweden. i don't think it's a necessary income. >> guys know where the money is hidden he will trick the wife. >> if there is fraud and deceit there's the case. you go to civil court for that. in 99 percent of cases that doesn't happen. people divide their assets
fairly and equally. >> did you make this movie because you got tive vorced -- divorced. >> i did get divorced but it was what i saw in family court going through the process. i ended up going fine but so many people went bankrupt lost their homes and children. what i saw was shocking. when i thought about a topic for making a documentary it seemed like something well worth investigating. >> you haven't remarried? >> not yet. >> you are willing, though. >> not once we change the laws. >> thank you. coming up some good news about marriage. [announcer] if your dog can dream it,
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. john: finally, tonight let's end on a happy note. america >> let's end on a happy note. they have racial violence jim crow and still today displays of racism that americas america seem like a divided country. >> (bleep). you don't have to have yourself with walking with black people. >> are they better off as slaves? >> let's look at another measure of race relations in america. intermarriage. it is up 28 percent since the last sincensus 10 years back. every year more people from different races choose to marry. there aren't many better ways to
show acceptance of racial difference than this. in 2010 almost one in six marriages were between people from different races. it's a long way from when i was 11 and this couple telling me their last couple was loving was arrested for violating virginia's racial integrity act. they were sentenced to a year in jail. it took nine years before the supreme court ruling demanded bans on interracial marriage uncons ewingsn-- unconstitution. today there are dating web sites that cater to people who like differences. karen tried it to expand her dating options. >> i went on and met a very nice man. >> one year after they met they got married. >> everyone should love who they love and let it be at that. >> love who you love. regardless of race or gender.
or numbers even. >> leave government out of it. that's our show. see you in ex week. now. you got to love a teleprompter, right? tonight on huckabee. nearly 300 girls abducted and forced to convert to islam as poll tegzs and celebrities tweet support for their safe return. muslim women on the real war on women and why hash tags will not bring our girls back. plus. from spiritual guru to congressional candidate mary ann williamson said washington needs soul searching. and the music of michael w. smith. ♪